Nerves of Straw: Sanctuary.

Anxiety is a daily occurrence for me. I tend to psychoanalyze things, work myself up, and become too engulfed to think reasonably.

For me, panic attacks or just anxiousness in general comes in many different forms. Sometimes it’s hyperventilating, in which I just solely concentrate on breathing to help calm myself down then from there take other steps, like distracting myself (Hey, Facebook its been a minute, anything new?) or the classic put my head between my knees until I feel I can continue my day. There have been a few occasions where I pass out.

There are many other ways that my body reacts to anxiety. Sometimes I get by unnoticed when becoming anxious, other times I need to leave the room or remove myself from the environment that I am currently in; even if the environment has nothing to do with why I’m feeling anxious. My most preferred place to go is my room, but I don’t always have this luxury. My bed is my sanctuary.

There are TONS of blankets and pillows on my bed, my roommate, Megan, even got me a body pillow last Christmas (Champ status!). I also have a little fridge with drinks (non-alcoholic) in them, because drinking something, usually water or Powerade, can help me regroup, get my breathing under control, and has become a nice way to just be doing something for a second. I can turn on my computer to Spotify, or be on my phone and zone out to some music while lying in my bed. Though I don’t do it as frequently as I would like to, my room is also a nice place to escape to, to do some meditating. I don’t find myself meditating that often because I prefer to do it when I am not anxious to better gain the full relaxation and clarity that it brings. Not surprisingly, sitting and thinking isn’t always the best thing for an anxious person to do. But, I have heard from others that they prefer to meditate to calm down. Along with that, yoga has helped a lot (way for the art of breathing and stretching!).

 Often I become very hot and clammy when becoming anxious. Luckily, I live in Minnesota! Here’s a benefit of winter: I can go outside when getting too hot (consequently becoming claustrophobic) I can just step outside! I immediately cool down; again regroup, while also able to leave my current environment for a little bit.  I don’t always need to leave completely, just little breaks away from everyone really seems to help a lot. Sometimes I take a lot of breaks, while other times I just need one.

When I become claustrophobic magic happens. Somehow my clothes magically become three sizes too small, the room I’m in is way fuller yet smaller, and if I am around people their energy become way more intense. What a trick! Abracadabra, stop…. I will pull on my collar; take off any additional clothing (jacket, sweatshirt, etc.), like stated above- go outside, or take some cold water or ice and put it on the back of my neck (this can help with nausea too, if you’re curious).  If I am able, I just retreat to my room and get looser or no clothes for the rest of the day.

If I’m not trying to pull my clothes off, I’m scratching my skin off. This might be the most frequent way that my anxiety comes out, scratching or fidgeting.  I normally start out scratching the tops of my wrists, sometimes it just ends here, if I continue, I move up my arm * scratch scratch* back to my hands, * scratch scratch * to my neck * scratch, pull on collar, scratch * and end up scratching my wrists and arms more. If I’m not scratching, I’m fidgeting. This is annoying for those around me, tapping tables, doing weird movements with my arms (is that a new dance move? No, I’m anxious and there isn’t even music playing), running my hands through my hair, bouncing my knee. All of this repetitive behavior happens rapidly, lasting from a few minutes, to however long it takes me to get so annoyed with myself that I just get up and pace or can move onto something else (here is where a nice sip of water comes into play). If I go to sleep anxious (normally after HOURS of restless tossing and turning), I will wake up with “scratch-cuts” on my legs and ankles. That might sound like it looks kind of gross, but it doesn’t, it just looks like it does when you scratch a mosquito bite too long for the most part.