There are many ways that people decide to deal with
anxiety. This may include medication, drugs, alcohol, exercise, talking about
it, distracting themselves, or other techniques/tools such as counting their
breaths or talking themselves down. Personally, I do all of this to
deal with my anxiety and most of it for my depression, excluding exercise; I’m
not about that whole running thing. What I exclude from
helping me with my depression are alcohol and drugs. Those two things carry too
high of a risk for dependency so I am aware of my state of mind when I
participate in such activities.
That being said, I do however use both to put these
dang nerves to rest. I have not taken medicine (Zoloft, and Lithium being the
most common) to treat bipolar since I was 16. I went through many different
types of medications from age six to sixteen. Having a ten-year experience with
medications I feel I have a pretty good idea of how my body and mind will react
to them. I have found that the common meds that doctors use to treat bipolar
and depression are most often “mood stabilizers”. Do you know what that means?
Mood stabilizer? It’s simple, it stabilizes your mood, seems pretty good, right?
No. Having stable mood, means not having a mood at all. You
don’t feel anything. You might know that you’re happy, sad, or
excited about something, but you wont feel it. You’re a zombie
when it comes to feelings. I made the choice to feel, even if that meant pain
and hurt, than to feel nothing. Also, with those medications being so strong
and effective to your body a person taking them needs frequent blood tests. To
put my feelings about blood tests simply “NO.”
*** Insert picture of blood test here,
but not really because I can’t even stick something by my arm without feeling
faint because of traumatic experiences with them in the past. So you’ll need to
use your imagination. ***
Booze, drugs, rock & roll- sounds good lets do
it. Do I use these items to help get those pesky nerves under control
sometimes? Yes. Am I ashamed or embarrassed? No. Why? Well, I don’t know you so
I don’t give a rat’s…tail what you think. Just kidding, but in all seriousness,
I’m not ashamed of my use with these, nor do I find it to be a problem. I
remain aware of my actions and I do not rely on substances to
cope. I am not dependent on these substances either (recreational use is not
addiction, it’s just fun!). I prefer to smoke marijuana to relax and calm down
or to avoid an anxiety attack, instead of drinking alcohol. There are a few
reasons behind this:
1. It takes away my anxiety
better.
2. I don’t get out of
control.
3. It’s relaxing and
harmless.
4. Along with relaxing my
nerves, it relaxes my muscles (I get tense when anxious and just tense in
general).
5. I think I’m hilarious when
I’m high. Megan, roommate, just thinks I’m dumb (but still chuckles so everyone
is happy).
Picture: relaxing on my bed, feet
up on the wall, zoned out, listening to music.
The list could go on, but this isn’t a blog about
legalizing marijuana (legalize it!). When I drink, yes I’m happy and calm, but
it is more harmful to my body. I will almost always choose smoking over
drinking. I don’t smoke cigarettes though, though I did for a brief bit when I
was younger. They made me way too unhealthy and didn’t do much (didn’t make me
feel better or anything, you just smoke them... boring) so I just stopped one
day and have never felt the need to smoke cigarettes since. Whether it's with
one, both, or without these substances, I submerge myself into one of my many
playlists and just zone.out. Wow, music powerful. You can just
escape into the song, the album, or the genre. As of recent months I have been
obsessed with Flume, Lana Del Rey, and Walk the Moon to just “get away” for
awhile. If you are interested in trying these wonderful musicians here are a
few songs to dip your toes into:
· Flume:
o Holdin’
On
o Sleepless
feat. Jeezabell D
o Insane
o His remix
of “You & Me”
o Drop the
Game
· Lana Del
Rey:
o Ride
o Young and
Beautiful
o National
Anthem
o Pretty
When You Cry
o Old Money
· Walk the
Moon:
o Shiver
Shiver
o Anna Sun
o Jenny
I do find myself getting lost in some ABBA, Queen,
and Miley Cyrus (don’t hate), or some Cher and Green Day. So whatever floats
your boat, just take it and float away.
With drugs, there are more pills than this nation
can even handle. The biggest drug dealers are pharmacists. I have been on so
many types of medications for bipolar, depression, anxiety it’s not even worth
counting them all. At one point I was on so many different medications that I
was also taking other medicine to counteract what the others were doing to my
body (what sense is made here? None.) So I weaned off a lot of the medicines
that I was on, while remaining on some. As stated above, they didn’t allow me
to feel, anything. So I went off of all of them completely. Less harsh medicine
that I have found help anxiety a lot, are benzodiazepines, a.k.a. benzos,
such as Xanax. I have found that these, when taken responsibly (I do not use
these recreationally), really help! I do not need to take them daily like the
other ones, only when I really need to. If I’m already having a panic attack I
can take one, and feel….. normal? What? I feel NORMAL. Praise
Yeezus! I still feel and it’s not anxiety, I’m just a normal person, going
about my day. Since these can become highly addictive, unlike marijuana (just
saying), I try to leave them as a last resort only treatment.
As far as exercise goes, I just hate it. Many of my friends like to go
for a run, whether that’s just outside or at the gym, when they feel anxious. I
have never been a fan of running or going to the gym to do repetitive
motions/work out. When I was younger I was involved in many sports instead of
being a gym rat. I played hockey on and off until high school. In tenth grade I
started playing rugby. This was a great way to get exercise and release some of
my anxiety, frustrations and other feelings. Unfortunately after I received my
seventh concussion in college, I was no longer allowed to play.
So aside from a
walk here and there I stick to “home remedies” or dance. Hard. Sometimes,
staying put and listening to music isn't always what I want to do, or I might
not have the choice to do so. What I love to do instead is go to a
club/bar/friends house or even in my own room, then dance off all the extra
energy that might have otherwise gone to my anxiety; as long as the music is
blaring, we're gucci. Just last week I was at EDM show with a bunch of friends
and we danced, hard. I raged so hard I popped a rib out! ...oops. There are no
worries when dancing, at least in my world. Look like a fool? Who cares?! I
feel great! Screw whoever is judging my superb dance skillz. Dancing, like a
total goof, completely throwing any worries on your shoulders to the ground and
just letting loose, giving into whatever your body feels like doing is one of
the most freeing experiences I have ever had the pleasure of
having, over and over again.
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